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| Jesus wept |
So without further ado, onto the nonsense - A portly, confused looking John Hartson was rounded up as the most famous Welshman they could find, distracted by bright lights and shiny things, and asked his opinions about the men running around outside the window. Gareth Southgate, looking like a disabled horse, rounded off the trio of buffonery in the studio. The actual pitchside commentators are completley generic, spawned from ITVs cloning vats of idiocy, and one does not even need to know their stupid, ugly names. I believe one of them may have been Andy Townsend. God help us all.
'He's got loads of attributes...he's quick'. John Hartson getting confused between "loads" and "one"
'Fully capable of producing the quality when required' That was shit, but he should be able to do it normally
'He looked to double team Bale with Ashley Cole' A video taken on a mobile phone in a hotel room that one doesn't particularly wish to see
'It was a professional game they played' They were fucking boring, but won
'First piece of true, vintage English quality tonight' Stewart Downing finally crosses a ball accurately
'Not the quality of cross he would have wanted' Stewart Downing produces yet another shanked piece of shit
'He's a little bit wasted out wide left . . . but that's where he's at his best' Harston gets metaphysical with us
'Put it back in the pot and let others scrap for it' Cross the ball into the penalty box
'He's a nimble, agile man for being so big' A variation on the "big man/good feet" classic
'He knows where the net is' Is he applying to become a groundskeeper?
'The goalkeeper gets a real big arm on it' One assumes his other arm is tiny and malformed
'That's a searching cross' It was aimed at no one in particular
'Just knock it on the back of the net' For once, the nation agrees with the advice of Andy Townsend, upon seeing lightbulb-headed striker Robert Earnshaw miss from two inches out
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