Blart blart

Before we proceed with the new season, we have something from the archives - a long lost unpublished post with a wide variety of nonsense, fished out from the depths of the blogging drawer, where it had got lost behind a stapler and pack of polos. Enjoy.

Clive Tyldesley - molester of ears

'I think he's a top, top player.' - Andy Townsend on Cristano Ronaldo.

'He's not going to find that too easy, as Danny Wellbeck is going to be staring him straight in the face!'- Danny Wellbecks' face puts people off.

'If (Real Madrid) they score tonight, Manchester United will probably have to win this game to progress.' - No shit Clive Tyldesley.

'He looks like a second-string goalkeeper to me.' - What Andy Townsend is really thinking : I don't know who he is, and I don't care for the way his shirt is untucked.
'Well, he has played 50 times in Europe' - I know more than you Andy, replies Clive.

'He's got blatant pace, Clive' - He's so fast you can notice how fast he is.

'He's put a little bit too much steam on it' - The pass was overhit

'Defenders don't like guys who get in the six-yard box and score goals.' - They are just the worst!

'Robin Van Persie has done a passable impression of a newborn giraffe who couldn't work it's legs out.' - Robin Van Persie fell over.

'Jose Enrique is doing the front crawl trying to get to that.' - Jose Enrique is running fast and waving his arms

'He presented it on a silver platter for his teammate, but he just wasn't eating.' - The teammate messed up a simple goal scoring opportunity despite a good pass.

'McAnuff has been teasing Matt Lowton for the last five minutes.' - Not worth thinking about too much this one, dirty.

Gary Lineker -'Why did Villa come out on top Alan?'
Alan Hansen - 'Well, for a start, Villa were the better side.' - Alan nails it.

'If you cannot defend properly, you are in massive trouble, especially if you're near the bottom of the table.' - Hansen again. You don't need to defend properly if you are at the top of the table, obviously.