It's coming....

It's there. In the distance. Sneaking up on you like a bulldozer crossed with a freight train. It's not here yet, but the shockwaves are, like the ripples in the water cup in Jurassic Park. You see Ronaldo advertising Doritos. David Luis advertising Pepsi. Joe Hart advertising everything.

What a hoot

THE FOOT-TO-BALL WORLD CUP IS COMING AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! GORGE ON YOUR FOOTBALL FEAST UNTIL YOU EXPLODE! EAT IT! EAT THAT FOOTBALL GOODNESS!

A month to go, and we begin to enter the realm of pre-tournmanent excitment. We're not fully there - just a 2 on the excitometer, but it's building. There are not yet England flags attached to the cars of idiots, but occasionally you catch sight of a Panini sticker album in a shop, or someone reading an article on Brazilian economic protests. ITV play a quick 5 second teaser trailer of some people looking excited. You stare, momentarily confused, at a Brazilian flavoured Pot Noodle in Tesco's.

We have also entered Stage Two of England Team Predictions - the squad is out, it's actually not that bad - this is the most dangerous stage, where hope can creep in. Poisonous hope. The hope that will be your friend for weeks then slit your throat while passing you a beer, when England are camped on the edge of their penalty box in the last sixteen. Stage One was fine - anyone can deal with Stage One, of course - it is the Stage of resignation, of realisation that England aren't going to do well, the final wake up call that we are really a second tier International team. Even the Daily Mail and The Sun, after over two decades of hyperbole and reality-defying expectations, appear to have finally come around to the truth. Everyone was on the same page - England are okay, we're not great, we have some good young players, let's go there and have fun and not worry too much. It's fine.

But now, creeping hope seeps in, and you're doomed. Doomed to think 'What if...?' I've seen it all before. So many times. I could write you a script of how it will play out. But that's for another post.

For now, this is merely the warmup to the World Cup buzz, with a few examples from the back end of a (rather good) season.

'He was just unable to bring the ball under his spell' - The man miscontrolled the football. He is not a wizard of any kind.

'Sweetly struck but it was always rising' - He hit it really hard but it missed.

'You don't want to head it, well, you don't win cup finals'- That man was not trying hard enough for my liking. More passion!

Hull played Arsenal in the FA Cup final a short time ago . The Girlfriend is a Hull fan, so as you can imagine, there was some entertaining commentary.

'Please get rid of the ball...FUCKS SAKE!!' - Girlfriend watching Hull vs Arsenal. Hull did not get rid in the 0.1 microseconds that she required.

'Just fucking run with the ball and put it in!' - Girlfriend's attacking advice to Hull's strikeforce.

'Beep beep beep!!' - Girlfriend's higher cognitive functions break down due to stress of the match and she resorts to making random beeping noises.