A break from World Cup 2010 archives : Football + Girlfriend = ?

So today we are taking a quick break from delving into our World Cup 2010 archives, for an unusual commentating twist - we are taking a look at the viewpoint of my lady friend, who decided to watch the final Premier League Match of the Day of the 2012 season with me, featuring the amazing win and title victory by Manchester City. So just what DO girls think of football? If only we could ask them readers, if only they could talk. But we can't! We can never know what goes on inside their fluffy minds. They would just go mad. I did however, managed to record a number of pearls of wisdom from my female co-commentator. Enjoy.

FUCKING GET IN, YOU CUNTS!

'Oh my God! What's happened to his head? Why do Manchester City collect people who look like burns victims?' - Upon seeing Joleen Lescott for the first time, and also referring to Carlos Tevez's neck.

'Spider legs! How does he even stand up?! It makes me feel sick' - Upon seeing Peter Crouch

'Oh he's so ugly . . . we'll never win with him' - Seeing Roy Hodgson for the first time.

'Oh he's freaking me out so much, he's going to do a poo!' - Seeing Arsenal goalkeeper Szczęsny yelling loudly at his own defence in anger.

'Does he not have a wife!? Someone do his hair!' - Shocked at Roy Hodgsons messy and bedraggled appearance.

'He looks a bit like Angelina Jolie . . . if she was a little wizened old man' - analysing Alan Pardew

'Don't touch him! He's a racist . . . he'll have to wash himself now.' - watching Essien hug John Terry after JT scores a header.


'Look at him, he's like a terrier, and Carroll, he's like a St Bernard. No. More like a Doberman!' - Watching Ashley Williams kick/tackle Carroll before their little scuffle.