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| The closest it was going to get to being lifted by an African |
'He's got no right to hit the ball from there' - Based on the view that players should only be allowed the shoot from certain areas of the pitch. Goals are often scored despite players having 'no right' to do so.
'He's hit it too well' - A powerful shot that is off target or aimed straight at the keeper. Often related to the follow up remark of 'He does everything right there' or 'if he scuffs it it goes in'
'He's always got that in his locker' - A brilliant piece of skill performed by a player that has been useless for an entire game. Previously used to describe David Beckham following another ineffectual performance
'Impossible angle' - A player shooting from an impossible angle often aims for a 'non-existant gap'. The impossiblity and non-existance of such angles and gaps rarely stops players from 'having a go'
'Just offside' - offside
'I don't think anyone knows whether he was offside or not with these rules' - Often coupled with the term 'phases of play'. Uttered by a commentator that doesn't understand the latest incarnation of the offside rule, making the assumption that no-one else does. Without fail, this will be followed by a harking to return the 'old rule'. Andy Townsend will nod sagely at this analysis.
'Laying down a marker/making a statement' - Always done 'early doors'. Describes a vicious tackle within the first couple of minutes that is meant to inform the opposition of what they can expect for the rest of the game
'The lottery of penalties' - Despite in-depth analysis by genii such as Hansen and Townsend, penalty shoot-outs are not a random sequence of events, and are usually won by the team that is better at penalties
'Samba football' - Only possible to be played by Brazil, until they are eliminated. It can then be played by any team that comes from a country hotter than England and 'likes to play football'
'Screamer' - A shot that travels fast. No-one screams
'Straight from the training ground' - The rare occasion where the months of hard work at training don't result in a free kick being blasted over or tamely cleared
'Tell you what' - A preface to an ill-informed opinion by Andy 'Tactics Truck' Townsend
'It's a great cross but no-ones there' - A nonsense sentence. Rather than blame the player that has needlessly pumped the ball into the mixer without looking, blame is instead placed on the other 10 teammates who aren't there. The same logic is never applied to 'it was a great pass, but his teammate was running in the other direction'
'Latin Temperament' - Used to describe a South American player that is sent off. The assumption being that latin players are all flair and no trousers. Latin temperament is never a positive trait
'He just needs to get something on that' - A 'no shit' remark following a player dramatically lunging at a cross but missing the ball. Only used when the ball is within 6 yards of the goal line
'We don't want to mention 1966 again' - Mentioned prior to, during and after all games involving England, any team that England may meet in the tournament or any team that happens to be playing on the same day as England. Also mentioned in response to that fucking annoying supporter's band playing the Great Escape for the hundreth time that minute
'Carnival atmosphere' - Created courtesy of the 'fantastic home fans'. Ignores the fact that the vuvuzelas sound like a cat being fed its own testicles while a stag dry humps it
'Great/Perennial underacheivers' - England/Holland/Previously Spain before they shat on everyone else
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