World Cup 2010 - Part 4

The tide of commentating filth was neverending at the last World Cup. Part 4 below - even more Parts to follow.

Spanish player interrupts De Jong's breakdancing practice

'On paper, they should beat them…' - How the result of the game should be played out, if calculated through some mathematical formula, especially when the commentator doesn't know much about one of the sides

'Cross-come-shot' - A wild hack which results in the ball entering the box at a random velocity and direction

'He's gone down in installments there' - A diving player has gradually fallen over to attract the refs attention

'He can do a job' - An average quality footballer is bigged up for his ability to run about a lot like a Labrador chasing a Frisbee, e.g. Dirk Kuyt

'They'll just go out there and enjoy themselves' - Said patronizingly of any low ranked team in the World Cup

'Absolutely top-drawer' - Another Andy Townsend-ism. Presumably because Andy keeps his most special things in his top drawer at home.

'He will be disappointed with that/he knows he should have done better' - A crap shot/pass/free kick that instead of being simply called crap, is described in such a way as to make sure the commentator doesn't get in trouble, for having opinions

'He's unpredictable' - Slightly racist label given to any young, skillful black player

'Bullet/glancing' - The only two types of headers which players can score from

'Put in a good shift' - Description of a knackered looking player being subbed

'If this was a boxing match, it would have been stopped in the first round' - Said whenever a top 5 team has put 3 or more past a very low ranked team

'An inch either side of the keeper and it would have been in!' - A complicated way of saying that if the ball had not been saved, it would have been a goal

'He's picked his pocket' - A neat, clean tackle, often leaving the player without the ball bemused and bewildered

'They've adopted a shoot-on-sight policy' - The team is trying to score long range goals, often by greedy players

'It's damage limitation time now' - Another slightly patronizing phrase, whenever a low ranked team goes 2 or more goals down

'Not like the Brazil of old' - Willing to defend rather than relying on the tactic of 'just score lots of goals and hope they don't too'

'Whipped it in' - Crossed it at high speed. Crosses no longer being fashionable as they lack the potential for the ball to ricochet into the goal off of any player in the box.

'Crashing out' - What England do when deservedly beaten by a better side. Any other team will simply be 'eliminated' or 'knocked out'.

'Effect of the conditions' - Used to explain any team does better or worse than expected. Reasons may include high temperatures, low temperatures, high altitude or particularly fervent national fans. See 'rainy Wednesday at Oldham' phenomenon.