World Cup 2010 - Part 1

Well it's been a while, but let's get this blog going regularly now, shall we? Excellent.

Fucking SHUT UP!

Today we're going to have the first part of an archival look at commentating bullshit from the 2010 World Cup - I took extensive notes during the tournament, as the verbal chuff on display was of the highest quality. Part 1 is below.

This team likes to play football - A team that enjoys passing the ball. They need to be careful however, of not playing too much football

Early doors - Something that happens in the first few minutes of a game. Happening 'early' isn't descriptive enough of how early this really early thing is.

Good time to score - Usually just before or after half-time, when for some reason, goals must count double. Scoring early doors can be perceived as either good or bad.


Cristiano Ronaldo territory - A bit further back than David Beckham territory. Approx 40 yards from goal, where a player will blast the ball with all their might to see it float harmlessly over the crossbar

That's his bread and butter - Something simple that a player should do with no problems. Often heard after a fluffed clearance by a no-nonsense player, or a simple 2 metre tap-in from a goal hanger who contributes little else.

That's a clever booking. He's knows what he's doing - Only applicable to English defenders. A foul commited by a player safe in the knowledge that he won't get sent off

Cynical - The same as above, but committed by a dirty foreigner

Corridor of Uncertainty - Between the last line of defence and the goalkeeper where all involved are dumbstruck as to what to do

Cultured/Trusted left foot - Inapplicable to right feet. Often refers to a winger who can cross the ball without falling over or stubbing his toe

African sides are defenisvely naïve - Applied to any African team that loses a game

African sides are natural athletes - Applied to any African team in a psuedo-racist sense to explain that all africans can run forever. If not for their defensive and tactical naivity, African teams would rule the world

X is going past Y for fun - A player that repeatedly is able to run past the opposing player, presumably giggling and saying 'ole' as they do so

He's got great heart - He likes to kneecap the opponents with brutal challenges

Tremendous engine - A man that runs and runs but ultimately achieves very little