Euro 2012 - Part 2

Another day of cracking matches - although the scores were low, the names were big, and humblings abound for the wasteful Dutch. The Germans almost blew it but ground out a result against the very defensive Portugese, who seemed more afraid to lose than keen to win. After their great performance in the last 20 minutes you were barking angirly at the TV, for they should have spent the whole game playing with such verve and direction.

The commentating highlight was surely Mark Lawrenson, where upon the stadium camera cutting to the picture below and showing a man wearing an all-over black morphsuit, proudly exclaimed 'Oh look, it's Eric the Eel.'

Crime is always a problem in morphsuit ghettos

Eric. The Eel. Otherwise known as Eric Moussambani, the infamous Olympic swimmer from Equatorial New Guinea. Well done Lawro. Of all the racist gaffs to make, he picks an obscure entry from a sporting event held 12 years ago. Racism in disguise, if you will.

Anyway, on to the commentating nonsense.

'It was spectacular and tame in equal measure' - It was shit

'He stopped the cross by not stopping it' - He just waved his leg in the air a bit and put the other player off.

'He's not the sort of referee you want if the game's a minger' - Lawro, referring to his distaste of the fussy referee during the Germany/Portugal match, drops in some young person's words to show he can keep it real.

'Powering across, he was like a runaway train!' - He couldn't stop himself from barging into the other player and dumping him on the turf

'They haven't been asked too many questions by the Portugese' - The Germans haven't had to defend much so far. No questions have actually been asked, in any language.

'He's used his experience there' - He's committed a sneaky foul that no one has seen.

'That is desperatley disappointing for a team of Holland's ability' - The player has done something amazingly shit, like hit the corner flag while shooting, and I am trying to express my disgust in a polite manner.

'Does this remind you of a certain match between Chelsea and Barcelona?' - Said from now on, and forever until the end of time, when a weaker team plays a stronger team.

'That's a teasing ball' - That was a good cross.

'Ronaldo was giving Postiga a mouthful' - Ronaldo was telling Postiga off, not filling his gaping maw with latin spunk.

'First game syndrome' - said whenever a team's opening match in a group is a cagey, tight affair.

And today's highlight from the lady-friend :

'How do they know which countries can take part in the Euro's?' - Mostly, they allow the European ones.